Mixed Emotions

As the second month of my adventure comes to a close, I feel emotionally pushed to write about the economy, and the status of the globe. I did not come to Korea to escape anything other than my comfort zone, and I tried to come here without preexisting expectations. I did come here with an open mind, self assurance, and anticipation of learning a lot about myself and the world.

It is an awful feeling when asked about where you come from, to be on guard for what the reaction might be. Or, to always be on the defensive about decisions of which you had no control over. I was raised to think like all/most Americans that the United States was a country of opportunity, acceptance, open mindedness, and strength for nations in need. It is one of the only places in the world where you can change your social class, get out of a bad neighborhood, and with hard work, make something of yourself. Although I still believe in this idea of America, I acknowledge that it has had 8 years of turning it's power towards the dark side. Eight years of abuse, risky spending, and unnecessary deaths. I resist the ashamed feeling I get when asked "where do you come from".

I realize this topic is over written, over spoken, and over talked about until everyone is blue or red in the face... I feel stronger about my views since living in Korea because of the debates I have had with foreigners, about the USA, and I feel that I have a more worldly and broader perspective than I did before leaving the states. Many people from within the USA laugh, or make light about the new hatred for America from other nations, nations that used to be our close allies. But, it's real, true, and very scary to think that "yes, I am connected with this hatred, and this problem." For me, this realization of being considered part of the problem, was difficult and upsetting.

In one conversation I had with a man from the Netherlands, he asked, "If everyone hates your government, why don't you do something about it?" This question came after 30 minutes of talking about issues within the country and when asked I had no answer. The only thing I could think to respond with was, "how?". How can people rise up in such a large nation, with such a variety of views, ideas, and opinions? It's not like we live with only one other idea or option. If people decided to rise up and kick Bush out there would be too many people trying to lead, too many opinions, too many differences, and inevitable more violence due to the vast differences that make our country what it is. The man just stared at me and said, "in my country, we are critical of our government, so why aren't Americans?" Needless to say, this debate went on for over an hour, at a bar, probably between the time of 1 and 2am. I ended the debate with, "thank you for sharing your opinions with me, it is nice to talk with someone who is from a different perspective." and I walked away.

I left the conversation feeling truly challenged by what that opinionated foreigner had to say. I now realise that this change we need is on the cusp of actually happening. It is happening peacefully and respectfully, through preconditioned rules that have been in place for decades. As I sit in front of my computer watching You Tube or CNN, I am overcome with emotions that I have never felt before. One man has stood up to the challenge, taken the initiative, devised the start to a better path. He has not been muddled by nay-sayers, corrupt by the media, or discouraged by various challenges that have faced him. John McCain made fun of Barak Obama at the Alan Smith Dinner by saying that "being a Messiah is out of his pay grade", but I do not think that it is out of line to say that Obama is the closest thing to a "Messiah" this country has seen in my life time.

Jared and his sister, Lee Ann, had the privilege to meet Mr. Obama at a used book store on the south side of Chicago. He said he was simply wearing a hooded sweat shirt and a jacket browsing through the isles alone. Jared said "Hello" and Lee Ann said she had just gotten back from Kenya and said " They love you there sir.", Mr. Obama replied with, "yes but, how did you like it?". She said she liked being in Kenya very much. Then, Jared said he wished him good luck in the upcoming election, Mr. Obama shook his hand, looked him in the eye and said "Thank you". He is a man who is in touch with the people. Who has not lost himself in money or greed, and can still ask the opinion of a stranger in a book store.

I left the United States feeling discouraged, angry, and embarrassed about our government. As a teacher, the 8 years of Bush's rein has made it even more difficult for educators to do what they are passionate about, because of new and unfunded policies. I became a teacher because I love helping, I love learning, I love making education possible for people that did not think they had a chance. Listening to Barak Obama makes me excited to be an educator and he refuels my drive to make things happen. I do not expect all of his ideas and plans to come true. I do not expect a drastic or rapid change in anything. I do expect a turn in the right direction, and a clean and honest start from a man who has our nations best interest at heart. I expect Americans to open their eyes and make this change happen, and stop being comfortable with bad news.

As I end my political rant, I am sad to be out of the country at this historic time, and I would give almost anything to be in Grant park on election day. For the good and the bad, I miss my home country, my friends, and especially my family. I am going to have to settle for calling in sick from school, and watching live broadcasts from my computer. But, I can say that if all goes well, I will re-enter the United States of America with more respect than I left it.